Things I have Googled since moving to America by Oliver Emberton
America has a distinct lexicon compared to any other country. We have been deep in the weird for so long that we forget how odd we must look. I explain American foods to those outside of the US, and they look at me like I am describing some Lovecraftian horror. However, I assure all international readers that the loss of the Choco Taco in the United States was a painful thing to experience firsthand. You never really appreciate something until it is gone, I guess. I will never again taste what a treat that food was, and Taco Bell’s promises of bringing it back ring hollow. I will believe it when I see it.
Relationships take many forms within the US. We have polygamy. We have polyamory. No matter what, we have space for whatever odd or niche relationship status you want. Our incels differ from other incels; they are violent and often armed. Take that, restrictive gun laws in the UK and Canada! Sure, we should be ashamed of what damage we have wrought upon the world, but we are not. We hold our heads up high in big sky country, Montana, and the assorted Western parts of the United States, won in the Mexican-American War of 1848. Giant swathes of land were given to the United States, and people live there, and that seems to be a good thing. I can’t live in the West; a family curse prevents me from living there, excluding Colorado for some reason, which I cannot and will not explain here.
Conspiracy theories often drive the United States. Where do they drive them? Well, there’s a reason Eisenhower built all those highways so that the conspiracies could live in nice suburbs away from major urban centers. They are a national pastime. We have so many that it is hard to know where to begin. Of course, a few have been successfully exported outside of the US, most notably Birds Aren’t Real and Chemtrails. Air-related things people understand a lot less than normal things, so it is easier to mess with people’s minds on that, versus more rational explanations. That, at least, is how I read it.
Google keeps all your information. It has things to sell you. When you look up dating apps, they have plenty of options to recommend, ranging from the wholesome to the profane; it all depends on exactly how much you’re looking for.
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